Kiddo is walking

Finally! She walked across the room yesterday, to our surprise. Guess the walks in the park must have motivated her. Of course i am thrilled and hoping to see more of it. At the moment she is more or less still needs a little confidence to get her going. Most time she feels better if i am standing infront of her a little ahead (sort of like a moving target). Well, but there are also time when she sort of do it on her own and then you will hear her giggling when she reached her target. I guess this is good news for the grandfolks... who has been asking.. and asking.

Incidentally, she is also weaned off BM this week. Frankly, i didnt expect to feel the pangs of loss and sadness when she is no longer nursing. In fact i missed it so much, i asked her if she wanted to nurse today (One Last Nurse for me to remember it by :P). At first she actually said 'No'. But changed her mind a little later. But by now, my supply has sort of dwindled so she only nursed for less than 5 minutes and then took off on her own, and pull me in to brush her teeth to get ready for bed. Sniff. Guess it is inevitable that this day will come. She has been slowly weaning since 1yr when she cut back to nursing about twice a day. Somedays she demands a little more when she wants comfort but since back in Melb, she seldom needed that even because she was so comfortable and there are other things to distract her (i.e. her toys and activities). I guess i am the only one feeling the 'pinch' which i suppose is a good thing. Afterall, i could be dealing with a grumpy kid who doesn't want to wean. Though, i doubt i would wean her off, if she herself didnt want to.

Looks to me that Kiddo is really growing up. Not nursing anymore... walking.. talking... and now, even doing simple pretend play. I guess my next challenge will be to find stimulating activities for her and create more opportunities for her to learn and play. I think outings now should be more interesting and interactive for her. That should be fun and exciting. So is the art and cooking activities that we can do at home. I already noticed that she enjoyed music and has been bopping and humming alongside my piano playing. Sometimes even tapping and hammering at her xylophone and drums along with me. So music time with Mami will definitely continue. Will be more fun when she can dance and sing along. :)

Guess it is time for Mami to get to work!

So proud of the Kiddo

It is the 3rd night in the row that she went to bed awake, with no fuss as I walked out of the room. And for the last two nights, she pointed to her room when near her bedtime (she was also visibly tired - rubbing her eyes), to which i interpret as wanting to go to bed. Seems to be so because she fussed if i attempted to do anything else, like wanting to read her another book (was checking to see if she REALLY meant it when she wanted to go to bed). And when brought to complete the rest of the bedtime routine - brushing her teeth, saying goodnight etc, she was happy and did not fuss at all (compared to if i 'ignored' her signals to go to bed).

A week back, i would not have thought that this is possible. The first 3 days were tough, when she cried and whined. But the decrease in duration of cries/fuss has been pretty dramatic after the first two days. By day 3 and 4, she fell asleep within 5mins but up to that point i was still wondering if i could EVER leave her in her cot, say goodnight, without her going all whiny at me. That happened exactly on the 7th day. I am thankful for all the friends who encouraged me and told me that it is possible to live to see this day even if i couldnt quite believe them at that point. Hahaha.

From this experience, it reaffirms a few convictions that i have regarding managing a small kid:
1) Readiness
There was no way that Kiddo would be able to get through this (or me) if she wasn't physically and mentally ready. Before her 1st birthday, she was still throwing up whenever she cried too hard (even 3-4hrs after her last meal). I remember a friend asking me to check with the Paed when i went back to SG to see if she has any gastro-reflux issues. Paed said crying till puke can take place all the way up to 3-4yrs old. At the back of my head, i guess i thought that's probably when we could finally teach her to sleep on her own. However, within the short span of 1-2mths, her throwing up when crying stopped. How we found out? From feeding her meds... she just stop upchucking even when she cried blue murder as we had to syringe her.

So now we know physically she is 'ready'... as for mentally, she has also grown more aware and showed greater understanding of what we said. Hence it was also possible to, to a certain extent, give her instructions and reassure her verbally. She also started to understand that when someone is not infront of her, it doesn't mean they automatically disappear. She could be engaged on her own when i stepped away from the room and was confident that i would return.

When teaching her to sleep on her own started, her physical readiness meant that i can reassured that she will not be crying herself sick and disrupt the whole process. As in all new things, i find that if you start something and had to give up midway, the chances that Kiddo will resist the next time round when you restart the process will be even more. And i would like to get through this once and for all, for the sake of her sleep and our sanity (i wouldn't want to go through the crying again, if i can help it). Her mental readiness meant that she has a higher chance of being able to sooth herselfand has built up an adequate (i hope) understanding and bond that Mami has not really 'abandon' her. That message is constantly being reinforced in the day night with the extra cuddles/hugs and attention. This is really necessary because she was clingy for a few days initially (but back to her old self now, if anything, with all that cuddles, she seems even more affectionate and 'cuddly' to me now).

2) Routine/Consistency
In my course of work, "routines" have been quite prominent used as a way to help children with ASD cope with stress. And it is really not much different for typical kids as well. Just think about it, when you are not so sure of the world, having limited skills to navigate and understand your surroundings, having a sense of Predictability actually helps you to feel assured and secure. From the view of a toddler, this is remarkably so. At the age when they are still so highly dependent on their parents for every need and having limited communication skills, in a stressful situation, it is likely that children will latch on to something which they find familiar. That's where having a clear, easy to understand, consistent routine comes in. And Consistency is the ultimate key that binds all these together... repetition helps the kiddos to understand what they have to do as they go through the routine experientially with the parents.

I am heartened to find that Kiddo now knows the sequence of that routine and is able to 'signal' the next step of the bedtime routine. Like after brushing teeth, if i asked her "what do we do now?" she would wave 'byebye' (that's to say nitenite to everyone - we say goodnite to all the photos of family/friends we hang on the wall aside from Dadi). She is feeling secure because she KNOWS what's going to happen next and at the end of the routine when she goes to bed, she is doubly assured that Mami will be right there in the morning because that's how the routine goes. And routines doesn't need to be complicated... it could be as many or as few steps that the child is ready to understand. I picked the steps according to what i feel will be appropriate for her age (having milk before brushing teeth) and also sustainable in the long term (e.g. brushing teeth, reading a story to her).

I cannot under-evaluate the importance of having clear routines, esp when introducing new experience and learning for her. Having that over-arc routine which she recognized and adhere to, means that when i introduce something new (I find that she doesnt quite like changes sometimes), she has enough of familiar things to hang on to to reassure her and help her cope with new things.

3) Time
What's teaching if there's not enough time to do all that's planned? In that respect, i am glad that i have a great capacity for patience for kiddos (in general) than adults. Of course being a SAHM is a big bonus because that means whatever i started, i can be there to carry it through, instead of leaving it to someone else (who may or may not do as instructed) or having gaps in the initial teaching stage (i.e. inconsistency). And because i am a SAHM, being with Kiddo 24/7 meant that i sort of figured out her little quirks and if necessary, could tweak things accordingly. These are things that are difficult to explain and to ask others to do, esp if they do not know the Kiddo as well. Well, it doesnt hurt that i am also a anal-retentive nut-job that likes to do everything herself. :P

But ultimately, the crux to the successful bedtime routine is the Kiddo. I could say, explain, hypothesize and infer as much as i like on why things have been successful but the bottomline is, if Avery doesn't want to do it, she wouldn't. And because now she can do it, it is because she TRIED to do it and actually ENJOYED doing it. So no matter what Mami has done, the kudos goes to the Kiddo for doing it. Proud of you darling... *cuddles*

Back in Melb

Took the flight back with Kiddo on my own last friday. Not bad.. managed to carry her in the backpack carrier and drag along a handcarry sports bag with all her barangs. The night flight (SQ A380) was smooth and comfortable. Though the flight was full and there were at least 6 other babies onboard, Kiddo was pretty well-behaved and managed to sleep for a straight 4-5 hours inbetween meal service. I was lucky that the stewardess serving my area was really attentive and voluntarily helped me jaga the kiddo (when i need to go toilet) and came by to check on us ever so often. Much appreciated especially for a 'single' mom travelling with a toddler . Kiddo woke up about 3 hrs before we touched down and i even managed to gave her the meds (in the toilet though cos' wouldn't be nice for her to scream along the aisle right?)

Side Note : Wilk read this and say that i relish this whole 'single' mom business all too much. I got a bit pissed with that. It is not like i wanted to come back with kiddo all by myself for the heck of it. I had to attend a WEDDING of a friend. Sure, i can choose not to go, but i want to. It is not like i am going to be SG often or that my friend will get married again (choi!). Why is like i was the one 'inviting' trouble?? In any case, i don't see what's wrong with me feeling proud that i managed the kiddo on my own for the last wk in SG and on the flight. If wilk want to do the same and then feel proud about that, i say, be my guest. Hurmph.

Okie back to my original blog...

On the first day we came back, it started to hail in the afternoon. And i mean seriously HAIL. The met office said that there would be thunderstorm but this is SOME storm! We had ice pelting along with huge gust of wind and heavy rain right against our apartment. I pity the cars parked out front, till we noticed that it was starting to flood as well... As the water started to gush downhill... we realized that our car in the basement could be in serious trouble. Thankfully, there was only about a foot of water in the carpark by the time the storm ended... not so good luck in some areas where there was flash flooding though. We had some problems too. The rain was so heavy and wind so strong, rain was coming in through the windows. Our guest room was on a verge of being flooded. It was a blessing that we were all home and managed to 'bail' out the water as it came in. Some exciting homecoming eh...

Weather back in Melb has been cool.. and bordering towards winterish cold. Looks like i've totally missed summer here (yay!). Kiddo is back in her sweaters and leggings, looking as cute as a button. It is also good to have my kitchen back again though it also meant having to do housework as well. Still, it wasn't too tough even though wilk has started school. Coming back to Melb also meant having to reset Kiddo's routine all over again. That means no more sleeping next to Mami, no more having buffets, no more having other different people to entertain her, no more napping on Mami's big bed and no more nursing to sleep. Before i came back, i've already decided that i will take the opportunity for this 'change of environment' to take two issues: letting kiddo learn to sleep on her own and weaning. Since i am going to reset her routine, might as well start on the one i want her to be having for the long term.

Right from the start, she was cranky. Predictably, probably from the jetlag and change in places/routine. Whatever it is, she was going to be cranky anyway, i just went ahead and start her off in her new routine which is roughly the following:
- no more nursing before breakfast, once up, straight to breakfast (9.30am)
- after breakkie, a short rest time then it is bathing time (10.30am)
- followed by playtime and a bit of milk (whole milk in a cup - if required, she can nurse abit but not to sleep)
- naptime (she starts yawn around 11.30am) for about 2hrs

Her nap time routine is similar to bedtime.. once her energy dips and she gets abit sleepy, i will take her to the room, close the blinds, read her a little from her book, give her the paci and pop her into her cot. Then i zip outta the room even if she started to fuss. She will continue to fuss for abit before she KO on her own, then i go in to cover her up and remove the paci. So far so good.. i am hoping for the day she would stop fussing altogether when i put her in the cot. Her evening routine looks abit like this:
- Dinner (around 6.30pm) then rest awhile
- Bath time (7.30pm)
- Play/Reading time (8 - 9pm), we will also give her some snacks like fruits and a cup of milk (so far she will finish about 90ml)
- Then brush teeth (i will wipe using a cloth) and saying good night to her stuff (like photos on the wall etc)
- Goes to her bedroom and i will read to her again, and give her the paci.
- Put her in her cot around 9.30pm even if she fuss and i zip out again.

Initially i had to go in once or twice to comfort her when she cried really badly or pick up her paci from the floor but the duration seems to be reducing. From 1hr to 45min and today, 5mins. I think the key is catching the moment when she is starting to be sleepy, having something warm to drink before bed, having regular timings/schedule for nap/bedtime. I think we may be on our way to helping her settle into a better routine now. As for the weaning, she is not totally off nursing (but then, i am not sure i am 100% ready too) but i am keeping for time when she needed a bit of cuddle/comfort, rather than the major feeds (like morning and nites). I hope overtime she will need it less and my boobs will also cope with the gentle weaning better than total cold-turkey. The only issue at this moment is that she has become rather more clingy and needed alot more assurance in the day. I think i can understand why, hence she is getting lots more hug/cuddles and chance to nurse (once in the afternoon).

Still on the Kiddo... she has turned 15 month old and still not fully walking independently. She does enjoy walking when we hold her hand. I've read somewhere that late walkers tend to be more careful and cautious (as oppose to being impulsive). That seems to be true of the Kiddo, who does alot more watching and looking. That may be also the reason why her memory and attention span has grown noticeably better, judging by the amount of receptive and expressive vocab she has. Pretty decent for a child her age. She has also started to put two words together (e.g. baobao Up, or baobao Down - when she want us to carry her up or down). I am still trying to keep up with the words she knows and actively uses. Her expressive vocab is about 30 words or so, of which at least 20 she uses independently without us asking her "what is this?" or prompting her. Her receptive vocab is even longer and for familiar items over a short distance, she could follow an instruction with two objects (e.g. give mami spoon and ball).

Cognitively and in terms of problem solving skills, i have noted that she is started to use trial & error strategies and a bit of self-correction with her shape sorters (meaning she is not giving up as easily or distractible, and needed only some facilitation instead of hand over hand prompts). If not for the fact that her other areas of development seems to be on par, i would have started to worry about her gross motor development. I guess all in good time... but can't say that i don't envy other parents who can take their kids to walk and tumble around. I guess, walking by holding one of my finger is good enough for now. :)